Wolfenstein: The New Order

Hey there, new blood! You look kind of familiar...do I know you?

Someone once said that "Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it". But in all honesty who doesn't want to see a revitalization of old-school FPS design alongside the mechanics of what we've achieved in FPS tech since then? More to the point who doesn't want to bust some Nazis skulls again? You can count me in that's for sure! But is Wolfenstein: The New Order really the Second Coming of the FPS? And just how many skulls are you busting? Well, let's find out!

Let's start out with it's strengths. Wolfenstein: The New Order is absolutely spectacular in terms of taking everything we know about FPSs up to this point and cranking that dial up to 11. You can peek around corners using an intuitive cover mechanic that flows seamlessly into the game play it's almost like second nature. You can stack egregious amounts of health and armor allowing you to overcharge health to unprecedented heights which upon doing so you can unleash your inner berserk mode! You can rip chain guns off their moorings and carry them around allowing you to tear through the Global Reich's armada of henchmen. You can dual-wield damn near every weapon you come across, from assault rifles to automatic shotguns and even sniper rifles! Yes, you can dual-wield sniper rifles! Why would you want to? I dunno it's a video game, ya nerd! You can find hidden caches of bonus weapon upgrades, armor, and health! This is FPS action at it's finest and I dare anyone to find another FPS that can create as harmonious a symphony in terms of gun play, level design, and dynamic action as Wolfenstein: The New Order. I've played Metro 2033, Deus Ex Human Revolution, Far Cry 3, Borderlands 2. I haven't touched the Half-Life series so I can't really say, but I've heard multiple people compare The New Order with the likes of Half-Life 2. Simply put this game has some of the best overall FPS action I've played...to date. It's just pure unadulterated mayhem that'll paint you with as much gore and red acrylic paint as you can stomach.

(I want to note the design choice behind overcharging your health. It's a really interesting pseudo-mechanic that replaces the overdone "Berserk Meter" trope thing with more of a dilemma that incentives riskier and much more Rambo-orientated play from the player rather than it being simply a mechanic. It becomes dynamic part of the game that isn't held back by arbitrary restraints like having to fill a "Berserk Meter" and instead allows the player to decide upon whether or not they have big enough balls to wreck house. Subtle, but brilliant.)

I also have to mention however are the game's shortcomings. The stealth is incredibly...how can I say this...nonexistent? For one thing the genetically engineered dogs are just as intelligent as humans when it comes to hearing or even straight up seeing the player walk up and stab them from behind. Your footsteps are pretty much inaudible. The guards don't react to seeing dead bodies. The guards screaming and hollering in pain are nothing to worry about. I would say just don't even bother with stealth in this game, but all too often the game decides to throw all of your weapons out the window a la beginning of every Metroid title. It's like I'm feverishly tapping on The New Order's window asking what it's doing, why does it have the knife from Dishonored, and to flex those muscles, put a spring in his step, and put the bag of Cheetos away. You're a Wolfenstein! Part of a dying breed that the world would be empty without! Satisfied, I walk away. And I swear I can hear the incessant crunching of chips again, clear as day.

There's also this sort of mini game where you sleep in a forgotten corner of your home base and your character has a nightmare of playing through the old Wolfenstein game in all it's 8-bit glory alongside the mechanics of modern day FPS. It's fun, but you can only play one level and then the nightmare ends. There's also this strange laser cutting mechanic that lets you cut through certain walls and chain link fences, but it's really downplayed and serves as more of a mediator that lets you get through one area to the next. It might as well just be a loading screen! There's no real purpose to the thing.

And what of the enemies? Well, the enemies mostly consist of robotic dog, regular Nazi Solider, Super Nazi Soldier, and Super Ultra Nazi Soldier. All mention-able threats but I can't help but feel they really dropped the ball enemy wise. There are these instances where you can run into gigantic Panzerhounds and those guys are pretty scary however you never really engage them head on oftentimes they'll take themselves out or you'll simply be at an inherent advantage. It would've been really interesting to fight them mano y mano. There is one instance near the end but by then you're stacked to the brim with firepower that it isn't even worth a mention. It would've been much more interesting see some varied enemies thrown in every now and again. That's something old FPS titles like Doom really seemed to nail because as much as I harp on it being outdated it at least had several hellish creatures for the player to pump full of lead. Look I'm not asking for Satan's Sunday Night Bingo Circle of Friends here. I don't want to be shooting humans all day even if they are Nazis.

Wolfenstein: The New Order is however rather mediocre in other "areas". Some of these "areas" even hamper the game play a bit which I'm sure is going to cause a bit of a division between those who are all right with these "areas" and those who aren't. Well, what are these "areas"? Simply put it's the pacing of the entire game. It's really all over the place. Roughly 25-30% of the game is spent doing anything but shooting Nazis and well, that's not what I signed up for. These areas can include navigating underwater sewage passages to being forced to sneak around with a single knife with the games underwhelming stealth mechanics. And while 70% Nazi bloodshed is still a satisfactory amount of violence it's really up to you exactly how much of a hamper it puts on replaying this game. Especially since this game was built around replaying it to finding all the different upgrades and collectibles of the which there is a staggering amount of cool things to find and collect like Nazi gold and even an Alternate Universe reality where the Beatles were still making albums only in German. Cool stuff for sure but you'll have to decide whether or not it's worth going through the game again. In my opinion, it isn't. I signed up to shoot things not risk my life swimming through smelly sewer tunnels all for a bit of moldy concrete!

I'd say the weakest link about Wolfenstein: The New Order is the lack of inspiring environments. For most of the game you're going to be looking at the same Nazi occupied world with it's "super-concrete" building as the game likes to refer it as. There's this one segment where you fly up to the moon to find some activation codes or something I dunno. (I shoot things, okay?) But after about an hour of dicking around you just end back up on Earth and continue to shoot more Nazis frantically searching for the one Nazi that matters and shoot him too. There's also this part of the story where apparently there's a religion that is centered all around inventing things in order to understand God. And what do they use these inventions for? Well, nothing. They just do it because...? *Wolfenstein shrugs*. And the Nazis got a hold of some of the technology and that's how they ended up being so technologically advanced. It's the kind of plot-twist that made me despise Far Cry 3, only it's less intrusive here. Where Far Cry 3 decided to make it so that it's not the player that actually acquires the skill to survive in the jungle and instead it's some tiki bullshit, The New Order decided to say...eh, you know. They got the tech and now they win. GOOD ENOUGH FOR ME. I would've preferred that time would've simply been slightly different and the Nazis got the advantage slightly because then it would feel like a more probable prospect. Had the Nazis won we'd be living in a completely different world. It would've felt more realistic and even maybe a bit terrifying.

Wolfenstein: The New Order is not in fact Jesus Christ. He's just a time-traveler from the 90s that blended in effortlessly with the common folk. He happens to hate Nazis just as much as you and will gladly join you in your Nazi hating endeavors. Just be patient, he gets a little sidetracked. You can't just eat dog food in this day and age. There's a New Order to these kinds of things nowadays.

PS: I am so, so, sorry.